Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face and the Pizza of Peril Read online

  Look for Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face’s previous kerfuffles:

  Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face and the Badness of Badgers

  Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face and the Quest for the Magic Porcupine

  G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS

  an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

  375 Hudson Street

  New York, NY 10014

  Text copyright © 2015 by John Dougherty.

  Illustrations copyright © 2019 by Sam Ricks.

  First published as Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face and the Evilness of Pizza in Great Britain by Oxford University Press.

  First American edition published in 2019 by G. P. Putnam’s Sons.

  Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

  G. P. Putnam’s Sons is a registered trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Dougherty, John, author. | Ricks, Sam, illustrator.

  Title: Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face and the pizza of peril / John Dougherty ; illustrated by Sam Ricks. Description: First American edition. | New York, NY : G. P. Putnam’s Sons, 2019. Summary: “Siblings Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face set out to save the library by thwarting the rascally international badgers intent on mining the pizza caves for cash”—Provided by publisher. Identifiers: LCCN 2017054155 (print) | LCCN 2018000321 (ebook) | ISBN 9780525515647 (ebook) | ISBN 9780525515630 (hardcover) Subjects: | CYAC: Brothers and sisters—Fiction. | Adventure and adventurers—Fiction. | Libraries—Fiction. | Badgers—Fiction. | Humorous stories.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.D74433 (ebook) | LCC PZ7.D74433 Stp 2019 (print) | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017054155

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Cover art © 2019 by Sam Ricks

  Version_1

  As always, to Noah & Cara,

  with lots of love and buns.

  And, as promised, to my wonderful godson Myles and his equally lovely siblings, Hannah & Matthew.

  —J.D.

  For Anna, who likes pizza and absurdity.

  —S.R.

  CONTENTS

  Look for Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face’s previous kerfuffles

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Top Secret Case Files

  Chapter 1: In Which Our Heroes Wake Up, and Some Stuff Happens

  Chapter 2: In Which the Door Is Answered, and the Adventure Begins

  Chapter 3: In Which the Door Is Answered

  Chapter 4: In Which They Go In

  Chapter 5: In Which We Finally Find out What Was in Malcolm the Cat’s Report

  Chapter 6: In Which We See What the Badgers Are up To

  Chapter 7: In Which the Badgers Escape from Prison

  Chapter 8: In Which the Badgers Make a Discovery

  Chapter 9: In Which the Badgers Stop Eating the Walls, and Harry the Badger Has an Idea

  Chapter 10: In Which Nothing Much Happens

  Chapter 11: In Which There Is Pizza for Lunch

  Chapter 12: In Which Terrible Danger Threatens the Loose Pebbles Library

  Chapter 13: In Which Somebody Goes Beneath the Library to Find out What Is Happening

  Chapter 14: In Which Miss Butterworth Takes a Phone Call

  Chapter 15: In Which Our Heroes Plunge into the Darkness

  Chapter 16: In Which Our Heroes Plunge Farther into the Darkness

  Chapter 17: In Which Our Heroes Discover the Legendary Abandoned Pizza Mines of Great Kerfuffle

  Chapter 18: In Which Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face Remember Their Mission

  Chapter 19: In Which It Isn’t the End of the Story After All

  Chapter 20: In Which Enrico il Tasso Takes a Phone Call

  Chapter 21: In Which Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face Take a Deadly Cart Ride down a Dangerous Tunnel

  Chapter 22: In Which Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face and the Little Shopping Cart and the Badgers Are Only One Chapter Away from a Terrifying Plunge Toward Certain Doom in a Hostile Ocean

  Chapter 23: In Which Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face and the Little Shopping Cart and the Badgers Face a Terrifying Plunge Toward Certain Doom in a Hostile Ocean

  Chapter 24: In Which, Quite Unexpectedly, Nobody Is Dead

  Chapter 25: In Which the Incredible Rescue Is Explained, and the Story Begins to Move Toward Its Exciting Climax

  Chapter 26: In Which We Skip to the End of Ketchup-Face’s Song in Order to Save Paper

  Chapter 27: In Which They Travel Back Through the Tunnel

  Chapter 28: In Which Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face Land on Enrico il Tasso, and There Isn’t an Elephant

  Chapter 29: In Which Enrico il Tasso Gets Up

  Chapter 30: In Which the International Gang of Badgery Naughtiness Learns Ketchup-Face’s New Song, and Something Unexpected Happens

  Chapter 31: In Which the Clever Plan Reaches Its Fulfillment

  Chapter 32: In Which the International Gang of Badgery Naughtiness Is Defeated

  Chapter 33: In Which All Ends Happily

  How to Make Pizza the Ketchup-Face Way

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  TOP SECRET CASE FILES

  The Great Kerfuffle Secret Service

  Persons of Interest

  Stinkbomb

  • Occupation: Boy

  • Known associates: Ketchup-Face (younger sister)

  • Interests: Interesting things, thwarting badgers

  • Distinguishing characteristics: Very large pockets containing lots of interesting things

  Ketchup-Face

  • Occupation: Girl

  • Known associates: Stinkbomb (older brother)

  • Interests: Singing, jam, ketchup, pretend horseys

  • Distinguishing characteristics: Gap where she recently lost a tooth

  King Toothbrush Weasel

  • Occupation: King of Great Kerfuffle

  • Known associates: The army of Great Kerfuffle (otherwise known as Malcolm the Cat)

  • Interests: Reigning, being royal, kinging

  • Distinguishing characteristics: Crown, ceremonial beard

  Malcolm the Cat

  • Occupation: Army

  (no, really, he’s the entire army)

  • Known associates: Likes to pretend he doesn’t have any

  • Interests: Eating, sleeping, tormenting small helpless creatures, tormenting big helpful creatures

  • Distinguishing characteristics: Gray fur, red soldier’s jacket, unblinking stare

  The Little Shopping Cart


  • Occupation: Shopping cart

  • Known associates: Stinkbomb & Ketchup-Face, King Toothbrush Weasel

  • Interests: Being helpful, veering to one side

  • Distinguishing characteristics: None. One shopping cart looks just like another. Oh, apart from being little, I suppose. But definitely not a horsey.

  Miss Butterworth

  • Occupation: Librarian

  • Known associates: The Ancient Order of Ninja Librarians; Miss Tibbles, who runs Bouncy Sing & Clap Story Time for Toddlers

  • Interests: Wisdom, knowledge, stories

  • Distinguishing characteristics: Hard to tell, since she dresses all in black from head to toe, apart from her eyes. Which are smiley and kind.

  The Badgers

  • Occupation: Badgers

  • Known associates: Each other

  • Interests: Being evil and wicked, doing bad things, villainy, worms and garbage cans, pretending not to be badgers

  • Distinguishing characteristics: They look like badgers

  CHAPTER 1

  In Which Our Heroes Wake Up, and Some Stuff Happens

  It was the quietest hour, when night covers the world like a blanket. Above the peaceful little island of Great Kerfuffle, stars shimmered like silver sequins against the velvet blackness. Below, the earth was silent. Not a creature stirred; all was still.

  Then the sun popped up over the horizon like a jolly potato, and morning started.

  And in a tall tree in the yard of a lovely house high on a hillside above the tiny village of Loose Pebbles, a blackbird, was singing in the shower. Trees don’t usually have showers, of course, but the blackbird wanted to be clean for the start of the story, so it had had one installed.

  Inside the lovely house, in a beautiful pink bedroom, a little girl called Ketchup-Face was sleeping peacefully . . . until the blackbird turned the tap all the way up to “extra splooshy” and began twittering at the top of its voice. At that, Ketchup-Face stopped sleeping peacefully and jumped out of bed, extremely unpeacefully.

  “Hey! Blackbird! Zip it!”

  she yelled, running toward the window. “Ow,” she added, as the soap the blackbird had just thrown at her bounced off her forehead.

  “Waaaaaauuuggghh!” she continued as she stepped on the soap and, arms waving frantically, skidded across the room. “Oof,” she concluded, banging her nose against the window frame.

  The blackbird, grinning hugely, stuck out its tongue and blew a raspberry. Then it rinsed off the suds, turned off the shower, dried itself with a little towel, and flew away.

  Rubbing her nose, Ketchup-Face went to wake her brother.

  Ketchup-Face’s brother was named Stinkbomb, and seconds later he woke to find his sister trying to tie a knot in his legs.

  “What,” he demanded grumpily, “are you doing?”

  “I’m trying to tie a knot in your legs,” Ketchup-Face explained.

  “Why?” Stinkbomb grouched.

  “To see if I can,” Ketchup-Face answered, frowning and poking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth.

  Stinkbomb thought about this. The idea of having a knot tied in his legs certainly sounded interesting, but he wasn’t sure if he would actually like it. So he decided to throw a pillow at his sister.

  “Oof,” said Ketchup-Face through a faceful of pillow, falling over backward. “What did you do that for?”

  “I don’t want you to tie a knot in my legs,” Stinkbomb explained.

  “Why not?”

  “Because if there’s a knot in my legs, I won’t be able to put my pants on. And if we have an adventure when there’s a knot in my legs, I won’t be able to run away from the bad guys.”

  “Okay,” said Ketchup-Face, getting up. “Do you think we’re going to have an adventure?”

  “I should think so,” said Stinkbomb wisely. “It feels like that sort of story.”

  And just then, there was a knock on the door.

  CHAPTER 2

  In Which the Door Is Answered, and the Adventure Begins

  Only thirteen words later, Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face had shoved themselves into their clothes. Racing to the front door, they flung it open. There, on the threshold, was a little shopping cart wearing a pair of dark glasses.

  “Starlight!” Ketchup-Face said delightedly. “My horsey!”

  “Shhh!” hissed the little shopping cart. “I don’t want anyone to know it’s me! I’m in disguise!”

  Stinkbomb looked around carefully, and then leaned closer. “But your name isn’t really Starlight,” he pointed out quietly. “And you’re not really a horsey.”

  “You could pretend to be,” added Ketchup-Face in a cheerful whisper. “If you don’t want people to know it’s you.”

  “Fair point,” the little shopping cart admitted after a moment’s thought. Then, more loudly, it added, “Er, yes, that’s right. It’s me, Starlight. The, er, horsey. Whinny, whinny, neigh, neigh. Um . . . got any carrots?”

  “I might,” Stinkbomb said, feeling around in his pockets. Stinkbomb was the sort of boy who kept all kinds of useful things in his pockets, and quite a lot of useless things as well. “Yes, here you are.” He produced a large carrot and jammed it between two of the wires of the basket, a little below the sunglasses.

  “Thanks,” said the little shopping cart. “Er . . . yum. I love carrots. Neigh, whinny, whinny, neigh. I’m a horse. All right, hop in.”

  Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face scrambled into the basket, and seconds later they were galloping across the fields like two children in a little shopping cart.

  “Why the disguise?” Stinkbomb wanted to know.

  “Well,” the little shopping cart said modestly, “I’m doing a job for the Great Kerfuffle Secret Service.”

  “Wow!” said Stinkbomb, impressed. Then, feeling that this didn’t convey just how impressed he was, he said, “Wowsers!” This still didn’t seem quite enough, so after a moment’s thought he added,

  “Wowsers my trousers!”

  This felt more like it. “So, where are we going?”

  “We’re going to the headquarters of the Great Kerfuffle Secret Service,” the little shopping cart whispered, and just at that moment they drew up outside King Toothbrush Weasel’s palace. Pinned to the gate was a piece of paper on which someone had written:

  King Toothbrush Weasel was the king of the little island of Great Kerfuffle, and his palace was about the size of a small cottage. It had pretty little towers with thatched turrets, and dinky little battlements, and the sweetest little sentry box you’ve ever seen. The sentry box was usually full of the entire army of Great Kerfuffle, who was a small cat named Malcolm the Cat, but at the moment it was empty. As the little shopping cart screeched to a halt in what it hoped was a daring and secret-agentish sort of way, Stinkbomb and Ketchup-Face leapt from its basket and ran to the door.

  “Wait!” the little shopping cart said. “They won’t let you in unless you do the secret knock!”

  “Wowsers my trousers!” said Stinkbomb, feeling that this adventure was getting more exciting by the minute, and hoping that before long it would involve disguises and gadgets and foreign spies. “What’s the secret knock?”

  The little shopping cart shrugged. “I don’t know,” it said. “It’s a secret.”

  Ketchup-Face waved her fist very near to the door without touching it. “That’s a secret knock,” she said. “It’s so secret you can’t even hear it.”

  “But if nobody can hear it,” said Stinkbomb, “how will the person on the other side of the door know you’ve knocked?”

  Ketchup-Face scratched her head. “Um . . . don’t know,” she said cheerily. “Why don’t you try?”

  “Okay,” agreed Stinkbomb. Thinking hard, he raised his hand to the knocker and knocked
the most secret and complicated knock he could think of. It went:

  Knock . . .

  Knock-knock knockity knock . . .

  Knock kno-knock knock-knock-knock . . .

  Knock-knock, knock-knock, knock knock knockity knock knock knock . . .

  Knock knock kno-knock knock, knock kno-knock kno-knock . . .

  Knock knock knock knock . . . knock . . .

  Knock knock knock, knockkkkkk knockkkkkk knockkkk, knock knock knock . . .

  . . .

  Knock knock . . .

  . . .

  . . . knock . . .

  Knock!!!!!!

  Knock!!!!!!

  Knock!!!!!!

  . . . knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock . . .

  Tap tap tippity tippity tap tap tap . . .

  Knock knock

  Tap

  Knock knock

  Tap

  Knock knock

  Tap tap tippity tippity tap tap tap

  Knock knock kno-knock knock knock, knocky knock knock, knock knock . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  . . .

  Knock.

  He stood back, like an artist admiring his work, and then, after a moment’s thought, stepped back up to the door, lifted the knocker again, and added:

  Knock kno-kno-knock knock, knock knock!